Dreamy Gorgeous Monster

Andrew Liles

Dreamy Gorgeous Monster

Year: 2014
Label: Timeless
Format: Book + CD / CD ONLY

Dreamy Gorgeous Monster.

A vile, ridiculous, sickening, relentless, rhyming sonnet of 70 verses with a collection of exotic and erotic images that have been extensively adapted and collaged in Photoshop and spread over 48 pages.

Not that we think the imagery is in any way shocking or excessive BUT three printers (KDG, SNA and MPO) in France refused to manufacture this book.

This book evolved over 5 years and eventually found a home at Timeless, the amazing French art publisher who have issued books by some of my favourite artists including Val Denham, Trevor Brown and Shintaro Kago.

10″ x 10″ Book and CD.

Narration on the CD comes from Maude Swift.


I’m the monster
Creature of legend
I’m the monster
Nobody’s friend

I’m the Dreamy Gorgeous Monster
I eat you out and suck you in
I’m the Dreamy Gorgeous Monster
Overweight and far from slim

I’m obsessed with you and you with me
I scare you to death you want to flee
Turn you over and slide it in
I’m inside you up to the brim

Spurting pointless verbal diarrhoea
And vertically transmitted gonorrhea
An artisan of the puerile
An expert in the futile

I’ve got myxomatosis, halitosis
And deep vein thrombosis
Lick the fat from the griddle
Make you pop and sizzle

I have athlete’s foot and verucas
Take shouting fits and uncontrollable stupors
I have bruises, cuts and scars
Thousands of dead insects kept in jars

You’re my baby let me change your diaper
Fumble about see what I can decipher
Let me scrape around and find your forbidden treasure
In filth so stomach wrenching it’s hard to measure

I’m a dislodged bowel A blocked sink
A foul permanent uncontrollable stink
I’m a sticky abortion a freak of nature
A truly cantankerous odious creature

Pick off the crust and peel my dermatitis
Suck my eyes and lick the crumbly conjunctivitis
Let me give you a migraine or crabs and herpes
And throw in some old fashioned viral disease

You could say I’m spooky yet charming
With a girth that is alarming
You ask me to show you how
Pant and plead and shout ‘WOW!’

I’m a subhuman wreck transfixed with you
So come along and taste my milky glue
Like a murderer on death row that ladies long to meet
You don’t know why but you’re in far to deep

I’m a malevolent spirit who has been type cast
I’m gonna rip you up but you wont be the last
I’ve time for your mother and sister too
Just got to cause chaos and hullabaloo

I‘m devoted to terrorism and unnecessary force
Bringing about hurt and matrimonial divorce
Pushing fat pregnant women down stairs
Shocking people when they are unawares

I commend D.I.Y dentistry
And suffer fools unpleasantly
Suck boils that have turned septic
Fry ribs and hips of an anorexic

I want your squid and to kiss your sturgeon
You’re my patient and I’m the surgeon
Let me open you up and peep inside
Rub in barbed wire and formaldehyde

I love aliens from out-of-space and cosmic debris
Swamp things, slime, puss and oozing algae
Philanphoripist fill me with despair
Nothing is finer than the electric chair

I’m the cause of glass to smash
And wild animals teeth to gnash
I have no idea on the concepts of wrong or right
I’m pyromaniac that can’t stop setting things alight

I sniff dung and all kinds of rotten matter
I commend libellous and slanderous chatter
I spread lies, gossip and insinuations
I flourish on scandal and insubordination

I like all things to be hard and fast
Have faith in things that just don’t last
Nothing is finer than a global catastrophe
A person’s loss or upsetting calamity

Let me give you colonic irrigation
A never-ending cycle of ovulation
Let me crack your eggs and you can chew my bacon
Smothered from the proceeds of your menstruation

I dream of kidnap, extortion and death threats
Carbon monoxide suffocation in ‘buy–to–lets’
And all those old people who die alone
Yes you could say I have a heart of stone

I think I enjoy amnesia and bulimia
I live with dementia and drink anaesthesia
I have pungent chronic gastroenteritis
And dose of life threatening peritonitis

I adore the occasional natural disaster
And stories without a happily ever after
What is more fun than a nuclear explosion?
And train crashes caused by metal corrosion

I like to eat dolphins and whales
And cutting off puppy dog tails
Vandalism, rape and robbery
Tedium and all forms of drudgery

I have mites, lice, nits and fleas
A pack of hounds with rabies
I laugh at starvation
And unlawful incarceration

I am the calm before the storm
Sharp and piercing as a thorn
Rotting inside from septicaemia
Ashen white with anaemia

Like a pig rummaging in the trough
Dribbling over you, looking to scoff
Ruminating on parted folds and flaps
Squeezing devils dumplings and saggy paps

I’ve got welts and hideous acne
Not even a mother could love me
I’ve got a bundle of chromosomes to share
And from washing lines I steal underwear

Let me give you an enema
So I can study the ephemera
Lets wade in the spillage
And sticky silage

I giggle at plastic surgery mishaps
And rampages of homicidal maniacs
Crazed axe murder and abattoirs
Dead animals floating in reservoirs

Foot and mouth and toxic waste
Chopped up bodies in a suitcase
Idiots, cretins and imbeciles
Corporate murder and other kills

Dirty wayward little girls
The fish mongers smells
Dementia and hypertension
Corporeal punishment and correction

I’m a necromancer
Nocturnal dancer
I’m macabre and weird
Something to be feared

I’m a monosyllabic moron
Cut myself through boredom
I’ve got scrofula and tuberculosis
Delusions of grandeur and other neurosis

I’m itchy with scabies
Pushing up daisies
A vampire sucking on souls
An actor of many roles

I’m paranoid and neurotic
An angst ridden psychotic
I’m looking at you about to impose my will
I’m looking at you with an aim to thrill

I have an incredible hulk
Sure to make you bulk
But you just drink more
Writhing all over the floor

I’ve a strange persona
And double pneumonia
Admire the art of strangulation
Indulge myself in mutual masturbation

I love to unstitch an infibulated vagina
Steal your medication for acute angina
Cause you a pulmonary collapse
And an abdominal prolapse

I have multiple defects
And suffer side effects
From a damaged brain
Immersed in the inane

I’m an autisc astmatic
Deranged epeliptic
I can’t control myself
I’m bad for your health

I am a crime against nature and god
Don’t spare the child – use the rod
Anxiety ridden and morbid
Frustrated perplexed and deluded

I welcome brutal regimes
And lethal killing machines
I worship tyrants and satanic dictators
I am revolted by genteel emancipators

I’ve a fascination for gooey entrails
Crucifying the innocent using nails
Nothing charms me more than electrocution
In a mental home or similar institution

I’m a flesh creeping Gonzoid
A downs syndrome mongoloid
A voodoo zombie hybrid
A man born with two heads

I’m a paraplegic in wolves clothing
A wild bear that’s gone a roaming
Physically and psychologically hideous
Abominal and nefarious

Often I drink from poisoned lagoons
And swim with snakes during monsoons
I conspire with alligators and crocodiles
And smile when I think of paedophiles

I bump and grind all night
And I’m sure to give you a fright
And when you think it’s all over and done
I do it again twice as hard just for fun

I leave you howling at the moon
For you it’s over far too soon
You shout and scream ‘Do it to me one more time’
I fetch the cream the agony’s sublime

I’m the ogre! The beast!
Munching away at the cannibal feast
I like to dig up carcasses and eat the brains
Sniff your panties and lick the stains

Ladies want me whether they know it or not
I’m a dinosaur from the land that time forgot
All the girls, dreamy and gorgeous
Beg and plead with this Tyrannosaurus

My body is a temple full of gloop and junk
Ventricles and arteries clogged with gunk
Choking up meaty bile and coughing phlegm
I’d like to think I was a prince amongst men

I smoke asbestos with lungs all black and blue
Stale milk breath and bleeding gums to chew
I have a huge stomach that bubbles and burns
From a life long diet eating maggots and worms

I watch another holocaust from my room with a view
Decomposing remains in the corner are nothing new
Flies buzz around the corpses that have turned crusty
Moss grows on the skulls and bones that are ever so musty

With matted hair and webbed feet
You really look good enough to eat
So I am going to follow you all night long
Until you despair and join my throng

I am partial to the aroma of turpentine and melting plastics
Making love to deep-sea creatures and sexual spastics
I adore war and plagues and guns and genocide
Agent Orange and the misuse of chemical pesticide

Car crashes and industrial accidents never bore me
And nothing’s more charming than a drowning at sea
I fantasise about severed limbs, shootings and decapitations
Cholera, cancer and drug-induced hallucinations

I collect broken rubbish I am a harbinger of diseases
I foam at the mouth and keep dog and cat faeces
I puree toenails and drink them by the glass
I’m a beast of burden a real pain in the ass

I kick up the dust amongst the rust and uranium
With ugly thoughts in my radioactive cranium
I am fond of the patterns caused by acid on skin
I find nothing more pleasing than the ultimate sin

I’m a mumbling mutant with a furry tail
Licking your pungent snail trail
I reek of fish, old cheese and decay
Munching chunks of vomit, curds and whey

I’m Godzilla with a libido
Destruction feeds my ego
I fondle and caress myself I get hard and rigid
I want to bust open the doors of the timid and frigid

I bathe in blood from sanitary towels
Shower in mud and other things foul
I kiss little children and smash in their teeth
You could say my depravity is beyond belief

I long for dark miserable nights and despise the day
I reside in the tower with a sign that declares ‘stay away’
I’m proud to be a sociopath, evil, cruel and sadistic
My chances for rehabilitation are unrealistic

I’m unreasonable and uncaring
I only consider pain for sharing
I am full hate, violence and self-pity
I’m King Kong smashing up your city

I drool all over you and study what you are wearing
And I think about the holes you have for tearing
I imagine your tangled straw all warm and damp
Open the portcullis and drag you along the ramp

I want you to go to the toilet on my lap, then my face
I want you to do things that will fill you with disgrace
Do something that makes your father wish he had died
And internal stuff your mother yearns to have tried

I’m sick, ill and morally objectionable
Have three eyes and an octopus tentacle
I have carbuncles and ugly lumps
A contorted spine and various humps

My clothes are fashioned from raw meat
Stinking dead rat shoes I wear on my feet
I have horrid hands just like those of lepers
Warts on my face similar to red peppers

My teeth are green, rotten and twisted
A gaping brown hole perpetually fisted
Knobbly knees and a hideously hairy back
A leaking colon that is eternally slack

So have these verses been about me?
No, that’s not true at all you see
Because you are me and I am you
We are the monster…it’s all we can do